Things a Dog Must Try To Remember....

• I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the toilet.
   
• The garbage collector is NOT stealing our stuff.
   
• I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under the coffee table.
   
• I will not roll my toys behind the fridge.
   
• I must shake the rainwater out of my fur BEFORE entering the house.
   
• I will not eat the cats' food, before or after they eat it.
   
• I will stop trying to find the few remaining pieces of clean carpet in the house when I am about to throw up.
   
• I will not throw up in the car.
   
• I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish,crabs, etc.
   
• I will not lick my human's face after eating animal poop.
   
• "Kitty box crunchies" are not food.
   
• I will not eat any more socks and then redeposit them in the backyard after processing.
   
• The diaper pail is not a cookie jar.
   
• I will not wake Mommy up by sticking my cold, wet nose up her bottom end.
   
• I will not chew my human's toothbrush and not tell them.
   
• I will not chew crayons or pens, especially not the red ones, or my people will think I am hemorrhaging.
   
• When in the car, I will not insist on having the window rolled down when it's raining outside.
   
• We do not have a doorbell. I will not bark each time I hear one on TV.
   
• I will not steal my Mom's underwear and dance all over the back yard with it.
   
• The sofa is not a face towel. Neither are Mom & Dad's laps.
   
• My head does not belong in the refrigerator.
   
• I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in for Mom's driver's license and car registration.